Wedding jokes are designed to lighten the mood before the tragedy unfolds.
A man isn’t complete until he’s married. Then he’s finished.
There’s no need for a man to get married. He’ll save himself loads of grief if he just goes up to the nearest woman and gives her his house, his car and all his money.
Two women talking. One says to the other, ‘I made my husband a millionaire.’ ‘What was he before you met him?’ ‘A multi-millionaire.’
A man advertised for a wife. He got over a hundred replies, all saying the same thing. ‘Please take mine.’
A man was talking about his marriage. ‘We have been blissfully happy for almost a year. Unfortunately, we have been married for thirty years.’
Marriage is an institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
All weddings are happy. It’s the bit after that’s the problem.
A good woman is like a good bar...liquor in the front and poker in the rear
Make your wife the happiest woman alive – divorce her.
Married men don’t live longer than single men – it just feels like it.
Groom on his wedding day says to his father: ‘I've found a woman just like mother!’ His father replies, "So what do you want from me, sympathy?"
Love is an obsessive compulsive disorder easily cured by marriage.
How do you stop a woman giving you a blow-job? Marry her.
Our marriage was a love match plain and simple. She was plain and I was simple!