Serious revenge ideas are great fun. I’m all for working on a relationship, and forgive and forget. Most of this website is about finding the funny side of the battle of the sexes, and getting along with The Enemy, but now is the time to get serious. Three cheers for sweet revenge.
Please, before you read any more about revenge, read this
Ok, now that I’ve covered myself against multi-million dollar lawsuits, let’s get down to business. I want to introduce you to my little black book. Now, most men’s little black book contains the names of females of the species who have been nice to them, or at least might be, if they haven’t already been married for ten years. Actually, for the unscrupulous amongst us men, some of the ones who have been married for ten years probably would as well, given half the chance.
But this is about serious revenge ideas, and my little black book contains the names of seventeen people who I would like to line up against a wall and pepper with machine gun fire. No, on second thoughts, that would be too good for them. I would like to make them suffer first. Horrible, exquisite, prolonged pain, THEN line them all up against a wall and shoot them.
I am thinking especially of the delectable Louise, who scammed me out of £35 and then threatened to cry rape if I reported her to the police. She is a really nice young lady. She later turned up on my doorstep, having imbibed copious amounts of alcohol, screaming through the door that she had dozens of friends who would be happy to burn my house down.
And then there is Carol. She was a very attractive lady, but a nasty piece of work. She was a friend of my last girlfriend, and tried to seduce me, presumably on the basis that she didn’t want her friend to have anything she couldn’t have. I made it obvious that I was flattered, but not interested. One woman at once is more than enough for me (threesomes excepted), and I have always been totally faithful to my girlfriends. But then I started receiving envelopes with a sticky brown, smelly substance inside them, which I don’t think was gravy. I can’t prove anything, but I have my suspicions…..
That wasn’t nice, and serious revenge ideas should remain just that – ideas. It is cathartic and comforting sometimes to look in my little black book and dream up another wonderful scheme for revenge, but I am quite a nice boy really and wouldn’t dream of carrying them out. Thinking about it occasionally is all the revenge I need. The best revenge is letting somebody who has cheated on you, lied to you, screwed with your life, know that they have had no effect on you whatever. Moving on is the very best revenge idea, and three cheers for sweet revenge when your ex sees you with somebody who is sexier, richer, more attractive than they could ever hope to be. Anyway, if you break into your ex’s home at dead of night and castrate him while he is sleeping, there may be consequences. Is it really worth it?
Of course, you could play with them a little. Try ringing them up and asking them: ‘What did you think of my revenge?’ in a teasing, flirting way. This is most effective when you haven’t actually done anything. They will drive themselves crazy wondering what on earth you did – I guarantee that something bad will happen to them, because something bad happens to everybody, and they will be convinced that you have taken revenge.
I asked some of my friends if they had any decent revenge stories, and the wonderful Rachel gave me this one. How to get revenge on a
Another friend gave me this story about
And this one about
Ex girlfriend revenge
is based on a newspaper article which caught my eye.
We should always remember that revenge can be a nasty thing. It doesn't come much nastier than this story from my mate Jeff:
Ways to get Revenge