Meet the Relationship Guru

tumblr hit counter

A relationship guru is a useful thing. Even though I am a Sex God and the greatest lover since Casanova, I don’t pretend to know everything about the battle of the sexes, and more particularly, The Enemy that is woman. That is where the relationship guru comes in. If I want to know why a woman has eighty-three million pairs of shoes, I seek help from those more knowledgeable than me (I think it has something to do with the fact that women do their bonding whilst shopping. They don’t know what they are going to weigh this time next week, so they can’t buy clothes. They have a pretty good idea that their feet will be the same size, so they buy shoes.).

A relationship guru will know these things. I especially appreciate the advice of the relation guru who is divorced. They know a thing or two about the opposite sex. The divorced male guru, for example, is an expert on time management. He knows it is a waste of time getting married. He just goes up to the nearest strange woman in the street and gives her all his money, his car and his house. So much easier than falling in love, getting married, having two point four children, falling in hate with your wife, being dragged through the divorce courts, and THEN handing over all your assets.

So this page on the relationship guru is sort of a portal, an introduction to all those experts who know more than I do. Hence the title ‘Meet the Expert’. I will introduce you to many experts over the next year or two. These experts have one thing in common. I am not coy, I will tell you the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the sordid truth. This is my attempt to extort money from you. The one thing that all these experts have in common (as well, of course, as knowing everything there is to know about relationships) is that they want to sell you something. And if they sell you something, I will make money as their affiliate.

There, now you know the sordid truth. Perhaps you would like me more if I had just admitted to raping a few Vestal Virgins. But please don’t hold it against me. There is some good stuff here which comes with my wholehearted recommendation. And I have spent a lot of time creating this website to entertain you and make you laugh. I hope you will agree that I deserve some reward for all my efforts. Making people laugh isn’t easy. I empathise with my friend who became a professional comedian. He was discouraged at first because people laughed at him when he revealed his chosen career path. I met him the other day in the pub, cradling a beer (He was cradling the beer, not me). ‘They’re not laughing at me now,’ he kept sighing to himself.

Please bookmark the relationship guru and keep coming back to see what delights await you.

Return from the Relationship Guru to Homepage The Battle of the Sexes