Jokes about Men

How many jokes about men are there? None, they’re all true.

What do you call the useless flap of skin at the end of a penis? A man.

Man walks into grocery store. Buys frozen pizza, bottle of coke, bag of chips, porn magazine. The cute girl at the checkout looks at him and says, ‘You’re single aren’t you?' Man looks at her, says ‘How did you guess?’ ‘Because you’re so ugly’.

Why are men like used cars? Because they’re easy to get, cheap and unreliable.

Why are men like sperm? They both have a one-in-a-million chance of becoming a human being.

How can you tell if a man is well-hung? You can’t get your finger between the rope and his neck.

How do you make your husband scream when you’re having sex? Phone him with the good news.

Man goes to the doctor’s with a flywheel between his legs. The doctor asks, ‘What’s that?’ The man says, ‘I don’t know, but it’s driving me nuts.’

What’s the fastest way to a man’s heart? Through his chest with a sharp knife.

What have you got when you have five hundred men buried up to their necks in the desert? Not enough sand.

A man used the word ‘penis’ as his password. He got an error message saying it wasn’t long enough.

Think you can do better? Go for it!

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