Yes Dear

'If we can put one man on the moon, why can't we put them all there?'

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Oops, I have a confession to make. I was thinking the next newsletter was due next week. Of course I am wrong, it was due yesterday. My apologies for being a day late. In my defence, may I say that I am only a poor downtrodden man, I really can’t be expected to think of things like that. As always, the best man for the job is a woman. Unfortunately I don’t have one handy at the moment, so you will have to make do with me.

Which brings me on to the subject of this week’s newsletter. My mate Dave is a very wise man. He has been married to the same woman now for 44 years, and he reckons he’s getting on quite well with this communication thing. He’s about thirty per cent got it right, he says. Another 150 years and he might actually understand what his wife is saying.

Apparently Dave discovered the secret to a long and happy marriage about ten years ago. Shame about the first thirty-odd years, but then like me he is a man. Anyway, Dave discovered that the two most important words a man can say to his lady are ‘Yes, dear’. That’s simple isn’t it. ‘Yes, dear.’ Come on men, try it out for size. ‘Yes, dear’. Stand in front of a mirror and keep repeating it until you can say it with a straight face. There must be no touch of sarcasm added to these words, no evil glint in the eye as you repeat it, no fingers crossed behind your back. The secret is the sincerity. When you can fake sincerity, you’re nearly there.

Of course, this means that you don’t have an opinion any more. If you want to find out what you think on any subject, just ask your wife. She is bound to tell you what you really think, and then all you need to say is, ‘Yes, dear’.

Now, this may sound like an act of self-castration, but by the time you’ve been married a couple of years it won’t matter. You certainly ain’t getting any sex then, so it doesn’t matter if you have no balls. And it is important as a matter of integrity. Integrity after all is not the same as the truth. Maintaining the integrity of your relationship is much more important than the truth.

Now, it is important to realise that the words, ‘Yes,dear’ have different meanings when spoken by men and women. When a man says those two immortal words, He is bowing to his wife’s superior knowledge in all things. She who must be obeyed cannot possibly be wrong about any subject This is especially true when you know, without a shadow of doubt, that she is talking absolute twaddle. The more wrong she is, the more right she is. The only possible response is, ‘Yes, dear’.

But we poor downtrodden men must learn what ‘Yes, dear’ means when it comes from the lips of The Enemy. If your wife says ‘Yes, dear’, you know you are in trouble. Of course you know that she doesn’t mean what she says, that is a given, true of every word she utters.

But ‘Yes, dear’ when uttered by the female of the species is much more dangerous than that. It means something on the lines of

‘My God, why did I marry this buffoon? I knew he was stupid but this really takes the biscuit. I’ve been telling him for years what he thinks, how could he possibly have come up with that idea? Ok, we’ll show him. I’ll agree with him just for argument’s sake. Let’s see how big a hole he can dig for himself. I’m inclined to throw him in the hole and cement it over, but instead I’ll just smile and keep punishing him for the next ten years. And as for sex, that’s it. He’s never coming near me again.’

So much meaning in two little words – whoever would have thought it?

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I try to do a little snippet with a link in each newsletter to keep you all entertained. I scour the Internet and newspapers for news about sex and relationships. This week I am giving you a link to a site about Sex News, isn't that clever of me? Actually I found some of the stuff on this site quite interesting. I hope you will too Sex News

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The next edition of this newsletter will be sent to you in two weeks' time.

Previous editions of this newsletter are available at Newsletter back-issues

New pages since the last newsletter:

Wedding Jokes
Improving Listening Skills
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