'What do you call a woman without an arse? Single.'

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So did we all have a fantastic Christmas, with loads of presents, loads of goodwill, and loads of sex? Loads of turkey, most likely. Turkey on Christmas Day. Turkey sandwiches on Boxing Day. Followed with ever declining interest by turkey stew, turkey fritters, turkey casserole, turkey soup and finally plumbing the depths with turkey curry. Oh the joys of Christmas.

And we mustn’t forget our New Year’s Resolutions. The only problem is that by now (I am writing this on January 7) most of us have broken our New Year’s Resolutions. So I am going to be a hard taskmaster and remind you of some of the resolutions you need to make, and urge you not to break them quite so quickly. I’m nice like that. And I am talking to myself here as much as to any of my wonderful subscribers.

Firstly, let’s resolve to make our lifestyle more healthy this year. Less booze, more fruit and salad, less red meat, more vegetables. Of course we full-blooded males have a problem with vegetables, a food invented by the Devil to torment us with farts. Dry farts, wet farts, machine-gun farts. And it is the agents of the Devil who force us to eat vegetables. Yes, I mean you ladies. Of course, men’s lifestyles will automatically become more healthy as they eat more vegetables, as they will be forced to take long walks in the countryside where they will be able to fart to their heart’s content without having their better halves moan about their disgusting habits.

All of us, whether male or female, need to communicate better. Men need to listen more, show their feelings more, connect with their emotions more. Ladies need to talk less . It is a scientific fact that ladies talk twice as fast as men listen, so come on ladies, give us poor downtrodden men a chance – just talk half as much as you do now. And for pity’s sake say what you mean. No wonder we men haven’t a clue what you are talking about half the time. And if you haven’t read it yet, get hold of John Gray’s ‘Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus’ and learn a thing or two about the opposite sex.

Finally, why not make a resolution to be a better you this year. Only YOU know what that means. Go for it, you won’t regret the effort. And whatever you resolve, may 2012 be the best year of your life so far.

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Let's not forget when we make our New Year resolutions that sex is important too. This article gives you the heads up on resolutions for your sex life..... Sex Resolutions

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New pages since the last newsletter:

Wedding Jokes
Revenge Sex
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