Oral Sex

'Why does it take seven million sperm to fertilise one egg? Because they come from a man, they don't ask for directions.'

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We men love oral sex. The feeling of our penis inside a willing lady’s mouth is exquisite, and usually much better than the feel of a penis inside her vagina. The ladies don’t seem to get this. Every time a man has sex with his partner, there is always a touch of ‘performance anxiety’ involved. Apart from worrying whether our penis is long enough, whether we are too fat, too thin, too short, whether we will orgasm too quickly, whether we’ll even get an erection, whether we have enough stamina, on top of all that we have to satisfy our lady. One friend of mine decided that his sex life could improve. He asked his wife how he could satisfy her. Her answer: ‘Make me a cup of tea’.

There is none of this involved in oral sex. We can just lie back and think of England whilst our partner does all the work. No performance anxiety. Oh bliss. No need to wonder if you’re doing it right, if she is going to have an orgasm. Just lie back and wallow in the pleasure. That is why we like oral sex. You can’t beat a blow-job.

My mate John is married, and his wife is very pregnant, So no more sex for John until after the baby is born. She isn’t keen on blow-jobs. She obliges occasionally as a special treat, but for most of the pregnancy John has had to make do with her hand. He told me the other day that his wife, now about sixteen months pregnant, was desperate to get the ‘little bugger’, as she describes the wonders of pregnancy, out of her at the first opportunity. She finally came up with the solution after doing some research on the Internet. Apparently the best way to get the baby out was to drink raspberry tea and ingest sperm.

John was delighted. At last he was going to get a blow-job. He made the tea, then brought it up to his wife in the bedroom. He had taken the precaution of stripping naked on the landing, and as he entered the bedroom with the tea his excitement was clearly visible. His wife looked at him and asked, ‘What on earth are you doing?’ He explained that he had brought her the tea, now she had to give him a blow-job so that she could ingest his sperm and finally deliver the baby. She asked ‘Can’t you just wank into the tea?’ Typical, he told me. Even in a medical emergency he can’t get a blow-job.

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There are some fairly obvious positions and places in which we can have sex. There is missionary, doggy, cowgirl. There are beds, cars, dark alleys. Some of us have joined the mile-high club and had sex on an airplane. But this couple started inside the plane and carried on outside during a parachute jump. That's one heck of a jump..... Skydive Sex

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Wedding Jokes
Revenge Sex
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