The non-specific Condom Demonstrator

'What do you get when you cross a bitch with a cow? A wife.'

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This story is true. The names have not been changed to protect the innocent.

When I was in General Management, my company won a contract with the London Rubber Company (manufacturers of Durex condoms) to produce and distribute 10,000 ‘non-specific’ condom demonstrators to schools in the United Kingdom, so that schoolkids could see how to use a condom (‘Non-specific’ as LRC thought it would be a bad idea if they looked like a penis).

Finding somebody to produce these was not easy, as most manufacturers wanted to produce the demonstrators in two parts then mould them together. The problem with this was that the condom might tear on the join, which obviously wasn’t a good idea – hardly the way to demonstrate safe sex to impressionable teenagers.

But if the manufacture of the product was a problem, finding somebody to package and distribute 10,000 of these to 10,000 different schools was a total nightmare. Whilst I was looking for somebody to take on the job, a Sales Rep from a packaging company made a cold call on us. Now, this Sales Rep was a very attractive, perfectly groomed young lady, probably about twenty. I explained to her what I was looking for and showed her an example of the finished condom demonstrator. She promised to come back to me with a quote.

About a week later I had not heard from her, so I rang her company. I talked to the Sales Manager, who explained that she was no longer with the company. She had started a fortnight earlier, straight from university. She had accompanied the Sales Manager for the first week as an observer. In the second week, he suggested that she should try a cold call on her own. She had returned from the call in tears, sobbing something about a lunatic trying to persuade her that a piece of plastic was for demonstrating condoms to schoolkids. She had insisted that the Sales Manager take her home, and hadn’t been seen since.

I have often wondered if this poor young lady ever recovered from the trauma of meeting me…..

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The course of true love never did run smooth, as I am sure we all know. I am reminded of this by one of my favourite songs, 'Smoke gets in your eyes' written by American composer Jerome Kern and lyricist Otto Harbach for their 1933 operetta Roberta. Words and music blend to perfection in this sad, romantic song. Hear it at

Youtube and please listen very carefully to the words.

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New pages since the last newsletter:

What Men Want from Women
What Men Want - beyond Sex
Men and Women Making Love
How to have Sex

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