Insufficient Information

'If you want a committed man look in an asylum.'

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A man met his girlfriend in a nice restaurant. He had some news for her, but decided to wait until after they had eaten. They had a pleasant time chatting about this and that. They ate well and enjoyed a bottle of champagne. But the girlfriend seemed a little preoccupied. Not to worry, he thought. She will love my news. At the end of the evening, he said to her: ‘I have some news I’ve been dying to tell you.’

She looked at him a little worried and said, ‘Actually, I have some news for you too. I’ve met someone else. To be honest, he’s better looking than you. He’s taller, smarter. He makes more money than you. He has infinitely better prospects than you. He doesn’t live with his parents. He doesn’t fart in bed. He is a better lover than you. When he goes down on me I feel that I’m in Heaven. In fact, I really can’t remember why I am with you at all. And you smell. And you’re ugly.’

She stops and looks at him. ‘Why are you smiling? You seem to be taking this terribly well?’

‘It’s ok, really,’ he says. Was there something else you wanted to say?’

‘Well, I must say, my girlfriends don’t like you. Some of them think you’re a creep. Some of them think you’re a weasel. And you haven’t got a romantic bone in your body. You wouldn’t know a rose if it fell on you from a great height. And you can’t communicate to save your life. Sometimes I wonder if you can even remember my name. You never listen. And size does matter.’

He listened patiently to all the criticism, all the time his smile growing wider and wider. Finally she was getting annoyed at how well he was taking being dumped. She knew that she was something special, and she just didn’t understand why he was taking it like this. She started shouting at him. ‘Why are you so f”””””g stupid? Don’t you realise you’re being dumped? Don’t you realise what an inadequate, pathetic piece of manhood you are?’

He looked at her. ‘Yes, I’m sorry darling. I wasn’t really paying attention. I was just wondering how to spend the $20 million I’ve just won on the Lottery.’

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I don't understand you women. You talk about Mr Right as if he is some mythical creature, unattainable, always just out of sight. Something to be longed for and cherished. Worth spending your time chasing. Who are you trying to kid? You'd much rather be with Mr Wrong

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