Les Dawson

'My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well, I was amazed. I never knew they worked.' Les Dawson

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Les Dawson, the great British comedian, was famous for his jokes about his wife and his mother-in-law. He was truly a valiant warrior in the battle of the sexes. He struggled for many years to redress the balance between the sexes. Here are some of his jokes:

"My mother-in-law has come round to our house at Christmas seven years running. This year we're having a change. We're going to let her in."
‘I had an awful weekend. I went to Manchester to bury the mother-in-law. She objected. She seems to think that she should be dead before I bury her.’
‘I wouldn’t say my wife is fat. We’ve just been on a cruise. She washed her nightdress and hung it on the balcony to dry. Nine stowaways were found in it.’
‘I wanted to do something nice, so I bought my mother-in-law a chair. But they won’t let me plug it in.’
‘My wife asked me, ‘Can my mother come down for the weekend?’ I said ‘Why?’. ‘She’s been up on the roof for nearly a fortnight now.’
‘I’m not saying the wife’s ugly. She stood under the mistletoe at Christmas and she was still waiting for a kiss at Lent.’
‘I enjoy a game of golf. I was playing last weekend. I was just about to chip onto the green when a funeral procession drove by. I took my hat off to pay my respects. My friend looked at me and said ‘I didn’t realise you were so sentimental’. I said, ‘Well, we were married for twenty years.’
‘I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. Somebody said, ‘Aren’t you going to help?’ I said, ‘No it’s ok, they’ve got it covered.’
‘My wife and I divorced over religious differences. I thought I was God, she didn’t.’
‘They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.’
‘The only time my wife listens to me is when I fart.’

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You have to admit that sex is pretty weird. But sex between humans is a total doddle compared to what happens in the animal kingdom. Click here to learn about Weird Sex in the Animal Kingdom

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Wedding Jokes
Revenge Sex
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