Why do people gossip? It is counter productive. Ok, it may seem a good idea at the time, but when you see the consequences you will regret it.
When you listen to another person talking, they put their trust in you not to repeat what they are saying to other people. The ironic thing is that it is usually women who talk, and it is usually women who gossip. As a man, I have frequently noticed when walking behind two women that they are constantly talking. They never stop. This is because nature abhors a vacuum and women cannot stand a silence. If you walk behind two men, you will notice that generally speaking they do not talk. They are comfortable with silence.
But women cannot stand silence. They think if there is a silence there is something wrong, so they have to fill the silence with words. That isn’t always the easiest thing to do, so the result is gossip. ‘Engage brain before opening mouth’, they say, but when the gossip starts that simple advice flies out of the window.
Why do people gossip? Don’t they know it is wrong to gossip? It destroys trust. It destroys friendships. It is simply a bad idea to gossip.
This article is part of a series on listening skills. So why am I talking about gossip here? Because what another person tells you should remain between the two of you and go no further. One of the most crucial of all listening skills is the building of trust between two people. That trust is destroyed when somebody tells you something in confidence and then they hear it back from somebody else. Discretion is the better part of valour.
After I started seeing my last girlfriend, I met her daughter one day in a bar. I was on my own, she was with her boyfriend. When her boyfriend left the bar for a minute, she asked me if I was sleeping with her mother. I told her what I have told every other person who has ever asked me about my relationships. I don’t kiss and tell. I am a gentleman, and what happens between me and any other person stays between us and goes no further. I am totally discreet and totally trustworthy. Anybody can tell me anything and know that it will go no further. Actually, I think this was a test. If it was, I passed with flying colours.
Why do people gossip? To fill the silence, and to make themselves feel more important in the eyes of whoever they are gossiping to. I personally believe that somebody who gossips is lacking in self-esteem, and they should work on improving their self-esteem instead of gossiping to other people about things that do not concern them. We want to be able to trust our friends, and nobody trusts a gossip.
If you are a man, discretion is an invaluable tool in the battle of the sexes. Your partner, or any potential partner, wants to know that she can trust you. I have had many one-night stands in my life, and obviously some of the women I have slept with have told their friends about me, because I have lost count of the number of phone calls I have had from ladies wanting to meet me, saying that their friend has told them about me. I know that one of the things their friend told them about me is that I am totally discreet and anything that happens goes no further.
Have you ever heard men talking about their conquests? They tell each other what they did to such-and-such a girl, how they lost count of the number of orgasms she had, how they had her crying out all night in ecstasy. Let me tell you what I know from long years of experience. They are liars. Men who have made love to a beautiful lady do not kiss and tell. They already feel good about themselves, they don’t need to shout to the world. Why do people gossip? To make themselves look better, and to make the person they are gossiping about look worse. It isn’t nice, it isn’t good. Don’t do it.