The Hard Questions by Susan Piver

by Wendy Sheppard, MSW
(EatingDisorders411.com)

The Hard Questions by Susan Piver

The Hard Questions by Susan Piver

I think a lot of relationships fail not only because couples don't know how to communicate, but couples just flat out don't communicate about things. As a result, things come up in the relationship and not only do both partners not know how to talk about it, but they have no clue how their partner feels about the subject.


It's kind of a vicious cycle.

So to that end, I'm recommending a book that isn't necessarily about how to communicate, but is more about actually communicating with each other.

As a therapist, I recommended this book to nearly all of my clients, most especially when they got into a serious relationship. I believe every couple should read this book BEFORE saying "I do."

I believe this book is a huge piece of the puzzle when it comes to successful relationships.

The book is called The Hard Questions: 100 Essential Questions to Ask Before You Say "I Do."

The questions can seem to be rather mundane. And sometimes, when you go through the book, you're like, "Why in the world do we have to talk about how many rooms we want to have in our home? Or whether we want to live in a neighborhood or not??" But the first time you go to buy a house together, if you have talked about these things, you know where you're both coming from. There are no surprises. You'll still have things you'll have to work out ... the specifics ... but at least you'll know that, say, your partner really wants to live in the city. Even if you want to live in the country - just knowing where you're both coming from can help you figure out a good compromise.

As an example, I know I had this experience, and so did some of my clients - one question that seemed really simplistic ended up turning into a whole conversation about beliefs and why we want certain things. Like the neighborhood thing. A neighborhood was really important to me because I have a child. My partner really wanted to live in a secluded area. This one question turned into a conversation about my passionate beliefs around raising a child and my partner's need for seclusion. These are things we wouldn't have necessarily known about each other ahead of buying our first home if we hadn't worked through the book.

I think a lot of the topics in the book are topics that couples either never talk about and build resentments because decisions have been made that don't take their opinions into account, or they end up having to make certain decisions on the fly ... with really no time to talk the topic out together. So having the opportunity to discuss things ahead of time in a calm, non-pressured environment does wonders for a relationship. In my opinion anyway .....

It has for my relationship ... and it has for so many of my clients.

Try it out for yourself.

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Jun 21, 2016
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Dec 17, 2010
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Thank you
by: Charles Evans

Thank you for this Wendy, good stuff.

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