To be honest with you, I should have switched teams long ago. Looking back, my first crush was on a girl. But growing up in the 70s & 80s in an upper class family didn't exactly make being "different" easy.
I met my ex in the early 90s. Shortly thereafter I had an affair with a woman for a year. Don't get me wrong - my ex knew about the relationship ... sanctioned it even. Said it was something I "had to get out of my system." Well ... kind of.
The pressure got to be too much after a year of dating her and living with him. Talk about a tug of war - her on one arm, him on the other. I cut her off. It just wasn't time.
Meanwhile I lived with him. No sex really. Well, except once one year. And I got pregnant. I was never really happy. He was a controlling son of a bitch. But I was young. He had me brainwashed. I just wish I could have seen it earlier. Well, except for our beautiful son. That I wouldn't
When our son was 2, I fell in love with a woman. I really struggled. I couldn't imagine life without being happy, but I also couldn't imagine a life that I knew would be hard. And I wasn't looking forward to the impact it would have on my son.
Within a short while, I just couldn't stand it anymore. I couldn't imagine living with him. And I couldn't imagine living without her. And so I officially "switched" teams. I do hesitate to call it that, because I don't believe I just up and switched. I just think I was pinch-hitting on the other team because of some ill-found belief that I "should" play for the other team.
Switching teams was the best and the worst thing I ever did. I didn't do it out of revenge. I did it for me. And for my son, since I believe he deserves a mom who is happy.
The revenge came unexpectedly when the first woman I ever dated came back into my life after 10 years of not talking. Apparently this was unacceptable to my son's father. It was one thing me dating
a woman who really wasn't a threat to him. But the first woman he sanctioned me having a relationship, that
was a problem. A BIG
problem for him.
So he went for custody of our son. His ultimate revenge. If I was going to be with the woman he had allowed me to have a relationship with way back when, then over his dead body would she get to share his son with him.
He held nothing back. He threw my entire life back in my face. Let alone the fact that since the day my son was born, he convinced me I would never be a good mother ... now he was going to prove it in court. And he did a pretty damn good job. The courts don't exactly look highly upon same-sex couples. At least not in our county they don't.
And so his revenge continues. I suppose my ultimate revenge is knowing that I am
a good mother, and nothing he says or does can take that away from me, no matter what the courts think. But even more than that, my revenge is knowing that his revenge isn't about our son. It's about his hurt. It's about me leaving him for a woman ... me switching teams. Maybe he just should have listened to his gut way back when he sanctioned my relationship with a woman. Maybe it could have saved us both from a lifetime of heartache.
So as not to leave loose ends, he didn't end up getting full custody of our son. We have a shared custody arrangement, but he does get to have dinners with our son on my week and I don't get the same in return. Apparently his "family" is more of a family than ours is. And so our son "deserves" family time
, which, somehow, a lesbian family can't provide.
The one thing his revenge has shown me is a rage I never knew existed in him. It has forced me to take security measures to protect my family. It helps that one of my neighbors voluntarily keeps a golf club at his back door at all times, "just in case." And I know where the guns are in the neighborhood, should I ever need to call for backup.