All these jokes about downtrodden men have been scrutinised and approved by a superior being (otherwise known as a ‘female’).
Man driving down the freeway is stopped by a policeman. The policeman says, ‘Sir, do you realise that your wife fell out of your car ten miles back?’ The man looks at the policeman, and tears come into his eyes. ‘Thank God, officer. I thought I’d gone deaf.’
Man goes into work, asks his boss, ‘Can I please have the day off tomorrow? My wife needs me to clean out the garage.’ Boss looks at him: ‘Certainly not. I need you here tomorrow.’ ‘Thanks Boss, I knew I could rely on you.’
Men are like fine wines. They start out like grapes, then women stomp on them and grind them into the ground and keep them in the dark until they mature enough to have dinner with.
What does a woman do when she sees her husband writhing in agony on the ground? Shoot him again.
Why are men like floor tiles? Lay them right the first time, then you can walk all over them for the rest of your life.
How do you stop a man from drowning? Take your foot off his head.
How can you grow your own dope? Bury a man and keep watering him till Spring.
How many divorced men does it take to change a lightbulb? Don’t be stupid, none of them have a house.
Why shouldn’t you hit a man with glasses? Because a baseball bat is much more effective.
What should a girl do with her bum before having sex? Drop him off at the golf club.
What are the most important words in a married man’s vocabulary? ‘Yes Dear’.
Why shouldn’t you chain a man to the sink? He won’t be able to reach the ironing.