Sexual Differences between Men and Women



This article on sexual differences between men and women is a continuation of a previous article on Gender Differences

Please read that page now if you have not already done so. The link opens in a new window, so simply close that page to return here.

The most obvious of the differences between men and women when it comes to sex is the time it takes to get aroused. It is an old truism that men reach their sexual peak at twenty-two, but women don’t reach theirs till twenty-past.

The problem is that men produce sperm, and when they are excited they need to release that sperm. The sperm is already there ready and waiting for the man to get an erection. The man needs the release of his orgasm to feel relaxed again. The woman is different – she needs to BECOME relaxed before she can enjoy sex and have her orgasm. The man and woman are literally starting from different places. Unless each partner realises these differences between men and women, sex is going to be a problem.

The answer, as we all know, is foreplay. The man has to concentrate on getting the lady into the right mood (chasing her, wooing her, dinner, roses, diamonds etc), before he can get to work on her body. Then he needs to caress her, slowly arouse her with his hands, mouth and tongue, until she is sufficiently relaxed for intercourse to take place.

Getting to this stage at all is problematic for the man. I remember reading many years ago of an experiment which was carried out on a university campus. It emphasises nicely the differences between men and women. A hundred attractive men were asked to approach a hundred attractive women and ask them, without any introduction or preamble, ‘Will you have sex with me?’ The response was one hundred per cent negative. The women said ‘No’ in every case. Then the tables were turned on the men. One hundred attractive women asked the same question of one hundred men. Virtually all the men said 'Yes'.

This does not mean that men are perverts and women never want sex. Regardless of the differences between men and women, we ALL want to have sex, but the sexes have different attitudes to sex. The problem is not the activity itself, but the results of the activity. Men have sperm and want to impregnate as many women as possible to ensure that they have lots of offspring. Men could literally make a new baby every day for most of their lives. That is their biological imperative.

Women see this in a slightly different way. There is an old joke about a man who was about to have his evil way with a young lady. She told him to be careful. ‘Please don’t make me pregnant. If you make me pregnant I will have to kill myself.’ He looked at her with new affection. ‘Wow, you’re a good sport aren’t you.’

The fact is that women have to live with the results of pregnancy rather longer than men. Nine months in the womb, followed by fifteen to twenty years of rearing, nurturing, heartache and emotional turmoil. A woman can’t do that very often, so she has to be rather more cautious in her approach to sex.

This also means that she has to be much more careful in her choice of partner. She can’t do all this rearing on her own, so she is inclined to procreate with a man whom she feels can provide the necessary support, whether financial, emotional, or simply a decent spear-thrower who can keep her supplied in food. Recent advances in DNA have shown that women frequently actually choose TWO men as their partner, one who looks nice and sexy to provide the sperm and produce attractive children, and another (possibly but not necessarily the same man) to look after her. Anonymous surveys of fathers in the United States showed that in some areas approximately one in sixteen ‘fathers’ were not the biological fathers of their own children.

You would think that these sexual differences between men and women would make it really difficult to find a partner.

One place to look for a partner is in a nightclub or singles bar. Psychologists set up an experiment using cameras in some bars to see if they could identify what was going on. It quickly became evident that women were trying to help out the men. As poor downtrodden souls with little chance of ever getting laid, the men obviously needed all the help they could get. Men are supposed to chase the women, but it quickly became apparent that something else was happening (By the way, guys, one of the best ways to ‘get the girl’ is to turn the tables so that they are chasing YOU).

The women would take some time to identify potential partners, then they would move in for the kill ( IF ONLY, I hear the men saying). The women initiated the courtship ritual with some subtle signals. They would smile, laugh, hitch up their skirts half an inch. They would ‘parade’ themselves by walking across the room close to their target. They would swing their hips, hold their stomachs in, hold their head higher, arch their back to accentuate their breasts. Then they moved closer to their target, making it obvious that they were interested, and waited for the man to make his move. BUT it was up to the man to initiate contact by talking to her. If the man didn’t initiate the contact, nothing happened. Apparently making herself obvious was a step too far for these women.

Of course, the problem with this approach is that men do not understand ‘subtle’. They had no idea what was going on, because they did not understand non-verbal communication and body language, so they never responded to these signals. As a result, the women go home disappointed and wondering why nobody is interested in them, leading to poor self-esteem, and the men go home drunk, wondering why they never get laid. Thus the battle of the sexes is perpetuated.

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