Tangled Webs


'How do you know a man is lying? His lips are moving.'

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‘Oh what a tangled web we weave When first we practice to deceive’

This is one of Shakespeare’s most quoted quotes. The only problem is that Shakespeare didn’t write it at all. It comes from Sir Walter Scott a couple of centuries after Shakespeare. Just goes to show, it pays to tell the truth in this life. It takes a lifetime to prove that we have integrity. It takes but a moment to prove that we don’t.

Have you ever told someone, a date perhaps: ‘I’ll probably be there.’ If you don’t know by now that ‘probably’ means ‘definitely, absolutely no way’, then you have never asked a member of the opposite sex out on a date. If somebody does that to me, I don’t turn up. Then I ring them and tell them: ‘I’m so terribly sorry, I’ll meet you at ten (or whatever time)'. Then I don’t turn up myself, I just phone them afterwards to tell them that now they know how I felt.

Games like these are all very well, but I think in the end integrity is your best bet in life and with the opposite sex. I don’t ever let another person down. It has often been said of me ‘You can set your watch by him’. If I say I will be somewhere at 10:00am, then I make sure that I am there at 10:00am. Not five to ten, not five past. Ten o’clock on the dot. That is because my word means a lot to me. It defines what and who I am. Human beings have the gift of language, and I think we should take that gift seriously. It is after all what separates us from the other animals on the planet.

So what has this got to do with the battle of the sexes? If you want to use and abuse the opposite sex, there is no need to tell the truth. Just tell them what they want to hear. Tell them that you are the owner of the Company, when you are just the cleaner. It might get you a cheap screw, but it costs you your reputation as a human being. I still get phone calls occasionally from women who want to meet me, because they have been told by a friend that I am a good lover, but MORE IMPORTANT, that I am totally discreet, totally loyal, and a total gentleman who will treat them with the respect they deserve as a human being and as a lady. There is no way I would ever have had any phone calls like that, if I had been a scumbag out for only one thing and prepared to lie cheat or steal to get that one thing.

I have a very nice watch which I wear when I want to impress the ladies. It wasn’t expensive, but it LOOKS expensive. I have a very nice pair of imitation crocodile shoes. They weren’t expensive, but they LOOK expensive. I have a very nice designer shirt which actually WAS very expensive (bought for me by my ex, now known as ‘the bitch’).

These three items are my ‘pulling’ outfit. The rumours that the only thing I can pull nowadays is a ligament are definitely not true. When I go out wearing my watch, shoes and shirt, I can almost guarantee that some lady will decide that she is interested in me. Now, if they ask me whether I am rich or have money, I tell them the truth. But most of them don’t ask. If they don’t ask, I don’t tell them. Is it my fault if they are deluded enough to think that ‘clothes maketh the man’? Is it my fault if they have sex with me on the basis that I have money and they are on to a good thing? No, it is their fault. Honesty may be the best policy, but stupid I ain’t.

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Of course, we men wouldn't need to lie to bed the ladies if we could all have our own sex slaves. That would solve the battle of the sexes once and for all. Now a woman has suggested that sex slavery should be legalised. I never thought I would say this about the female of the species, but isn't she clever.... Sex slaves

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New pages since the last newsletter:

Wedding Jokes
Improving Listening Skills
My name is Charles Evans, I can be contacted at

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