Quickies


'I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was, 'The man goes on top and the woman underneath.' For three years, my husband and I slept in bunk beds.' Joan Rivers

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Today I want to talk about the importance of the quickie. I am addressing this mostly to the female of the species, but you men can read this as well. As the old joke tells us, men reach their sexual peak at twenty-two. Unfortunately, women don’t reach theres until twenty-past. It is easy to arouse a man, all a lady has to do is turn up naked and bring beer (though the beer is optional). But women take longer to get aroused and reach orgasm.

So most of the time, we men are being considerate to our lady if we take our time with our foreplay and lovemaking. Women need seducing, and need to be relaxed before they can start thinking about sex. I have always taken my time to arouse my partner, to make sure she has plenty of orgasms, and really enjoy herself. Making sure my partner is having a good time releases me to have a good time. But sometimes we men want to enjoy sex without ‘performing’. Performance anxiety is always present when a man has sex with a woman. Are we being considerate? Are we doing it right? Is our penis long enough? If I do this will she have an orgasm? Etc etc. It is a wonder we can ever get it right with all the pressure.

Ladies, you owe it to us poor downtrodden men to take away the feeling that we are performing seals. There are two ways you can do this. Oral sex and the quickie.

Of course, ladies, if your sex life consists of your man sticking it in and coming, that is no fun for you. The quickie needs to be part of a wide repertoire of sexual variety and activities. It is something you do for your man because you want to please him. Let him just fuck you occasionally, without thinking of your own pleasure. Let him just enjoy himself. It won’t take long, hence the name ‘Quickie’.

In return, he will do anything you want. He might even agree to take the garbage out, and actually do it. You can negotiate from a position of power. If you want cuddles from him without ‘going all the way’, he will readily agree if he can have an occasional quickie in return. If you want him to babysit once a week while you have a night out with your friends, the promise of a quickie when you get home will be ample reward (not of course that a man should be rewarded for babysitting his own children!). If you want a romantic night in once a week with a candlelit meal and just to talk to him afterwards, a quickie some other time will make him more than compliant.

In fact, ladies, give your man a blow-job once a week and a quickie once a week, and you can have anything you want. Much easier and much more fun than nagging.

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Wedding Jokes
Revenge Sex
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