Wimbledon


'How do you find a dishwasher you can trust? Marry one'

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Life just isn’t fair for us downtrodden men. I like watching tennis, and recently I have been engrossed in the coverage of the Wimbledon tennis. Engrossed, that is, in the men’s tennis. The speed of play is sometimes breathtaking. The best male tennis players are some of the greatest athletes in the world, and watching them play tennis is one of the great delights of my life. I remember with great affection finals between Nadal and Federer, and before them Borg and McEnroe. These players lift a tennis match out of the norm and into an art form.

And then, of course, you have women’s tennis. What a load of crap. Sorry, ladies, I hope you will excuse my language, but really women’s tennis is beyond awful. They seem hardly capable of hitting the ball over the net, and they can only do that whilst emitting strange noises that suggest they are having an orgasm every time they hit the ball. That may be fun for them, but it doesn’t do much for the rest of us.

Let’s face it. When it comes to tennis, equality takes a back seat. For the past three or four years, men and women have received the same prize money. The winners of the men’s singles and the women’s singles receive about £1.1 million pounds. How on earth was that allowed to happen? Somebody should start a protest movement for men to become equal to women. God knows we need all the help we can get. We poor downtrodden males of the species have no chance when it comes to equality.

The men play five sets, the women play three sets. So surely the men should receive £5 for every £3 the women get? Wouldn’t that be fairer? Well, that might be a good start. But that ignores the quality of the tennis. Surely the wonderful men’s game is worth more than the women’s patball? When it comes to entertainment value, there is no comparison.

And what about the value of tennis players’ time? You rarely see a women’s match last over one and a half hours, whereas a five set men’s match will last well over three hours. Shouldn’t the hourly rate be similar? The women’s winner this year played about eight hours’ tennis and won £1.1 million. That works out at about £137,500 pounds an hour. The men’s winner who won the same amount of prize money took more than twice as long to win it. So much for equality. We men obviously need to rise up in revolt.

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A friend of mine is very rich, but that doesn't stop him moaning. He told me once that he had seventeen cars, but he could only drive four of them because he had lost the keys to one and that car was blocking in twelve others. If keeping control of your cars is a problem, can you imagine how much grief is caused by trying to keep your women under control? This poor so-and-so has 74 girlfriends. What a nightmare. Wifelets at war

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